At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
