i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
