Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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