He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
