perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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