If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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