Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You made out with two different species that night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My feet surprised me
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