It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
