What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
