You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
