I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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