I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
