Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
