i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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