So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
