I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
