So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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