Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
