In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
