youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Randomize
