Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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