You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
