mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
