it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
