I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
