Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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