Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
