I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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