So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
