Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
