between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
