You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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