I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
