...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
