i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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