I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
