my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
