You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
