we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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