Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
