Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
