UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
