Can i not drive my cunt home
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
