is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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