pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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