1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
