why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
