My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
