I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
