I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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