the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
