I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
