i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
