Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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