And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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